My fitbit #Fitstats for 6/29/2013: 13,403 steps and 5.5 miles traveled. http://www.fitbit.com/user/23FYCN
Holy Ice Cream batman!! I just cannot get enough 🙂 I may have to cut back a bit as the eyes are starting to puff up 😦 It is not fair that the body does not like the food that you enjoy to eat the most. *sigh* At least my reaction is becoming less and less; hooray!!
Today I just worked at the shop and a leisurely trip to get coffee and other supplies. A nice relaxing day 😀
Not much. I did a slow jog for 15min in intervals, so jog/walk for 30min all together.
My fitbit #Fitstats for 6/28/2013: 14,188 steps and 6 miles traveled. http://www.fitbit.com/user/23FYCN
Just over two years ago I searched on the internet for a site that would allow me to enter a recipe and see the nutritional analysis. This was not for me so that I could eat better, no, it was for me to be able to have on hand in case a customer asked for it. I have a small café and make up a lot of my own recipes for cake, cookies and whatnot. Well, I searched and up popped a site that seemed easy. Here! Just enter your ingredients! Excellent. I did. Then it told me to join and make my own profile to be able to save the recipe. I looked closer at the site. It was a place geared towards weight loss from what I could see. I sat back. I felt deflated. I knew I needed to get rid of the fat that enveloped my body……….again. Gosh, how many times? Why was it always such a struggle? Was I ready? Did I want to do that again? I copied the nutritional analysis down. Then I bookmarked the page and shut off my computer. I really didn’t want to think about dieting again.
My weight had not changed much over the last 6 months. 234. That is what the scale said. Fat fuck. That is what I called myself. It took me two years to regain all the weight, and then some, that I had lost on my last diet. I went from 156 to 234. I thought that must be really hard on my body. It was screaming at me to do something about it. My arthritis was killing me with pain. I could not move well. My knees would dislocate with the smallest bump. I was a painful mess. Moreover, I could not stand to look at myself. I completely avoided mirrors.
I went back to the site. I thought, perhaps with the support of this, Calorie Count website I would be able to do it again. I made a profile. Initially I used it to log my foods. I loved that I could see my nutritional intake for each day. It showed me how low I was on some things and how high I was on others. I was better able to balance my day. Then I started to go onto the forums for others wanting to lose weight. It was like a whole support group at my fingertips!
The first year I lost weight quite steadily. Not ever in large amounts, but a nice steady loss. Then I stopped losing. I would cut the calories down to try to shake it my body up to lose again. I would exercise more. Still nothing much. I would lose only to gain it back. It was like my body was saying enough. I wanted more. I knew I was still too heavy. My knees were still complaining. I had just damaged one again stepping off the road into a divot. How do I go about losing weight, keeping my sanity (what little there was left!) and healing my joints so that they would support me?
I asked a question to the fitness guru’s on Calorie Count. How can I strengthen my knees without weight bearing exercise? I did get a couple sort of snickers but I also got some good advice and support, predominantly from https://www.facebook.com/pages/Melkor/386903461345738 . Here started my road to lifting heavy things, starting with healing baby steps.
A funny thing was happening to me as I lifted those chunks of iron. I was getting stronger. My body, yes, but I, me, inside my brain was getting stronger. More confident. I felt a lot better about my body. I held it better. As Amber (http://gokaleo.com/) says, I was Taking Up Space.
I still need to lose weight. Yes, it’s true. But. BUT…..it has taken on a whole new tune. Weight loss for me is on the back burner. The number on the scale is wavering between 168 – 172 and has been for a the last few months. Staying in the same range even though I am eating a lot more. Yes. More food!
Have you any idea of the power of that?!!
The changes that have taken place over the last few months while Eating All The Foods is a journey in itself.
I am on a new path. A new journey. A journey that is going to heal so much more than just my body. A journey that is already starting to heal my heart and mind. A broken little girl has lived in this body for too many years. A little girl looking for love and acceptance.
Since starting to eat the food, and by that I mean nourishing my body with the food it needs to support the activities that it does, some funny things have started to happen. I poop. Yes, some of you may think that is not a big deal, everyone does that. Me too. I pooped before but it was either once or twice a week or an onslaught of diarrhea . Now I poop every day. Normally 🙂 I feel happy. I have lived a life of depression. The cloud has been lifting. I see light every.day. My husband calls me his happy girl! I eat guilt free. Do you know what it is like to eat when you are overweight? All eyes are on you. People, people you love and respect, tell you not to eat because it is making you fat. Now I know I was starving myself for most of my life and THAT was making me fat! My TDEE http://www.health-calc.com/diet/energy-expenditure-advanced for a normal working day is around 4,000. How the heck was my body to live on between 700 and 1200 cals???? I am working my way up to eating 3,000 each day. I am now between 2,000 and 2,300. A work in progress to be sure but the body is already happier. I cannot wait to see what it does when I get to goal!! I am getting back to me. The happy, boisterous little girl is peeking out. Watch out world cause
Here I come!!!!
Yesterday was a long hard work day that started at 5:30am and ended at 9:30pm. I only managed to get in some push ups. They were good ones though and I totally impressed myself with full out proper push ups! 3 sets of 10. A record for me 😀
My fitbit #Fitstats for 6/27/2013: 19,025 steps and 7.8 miles traveled. http://www.fitbit.com/user/23FYCN
I have not been logging my calorie intake this week. I thought I was doing ok but when I did estimate my intake cals in the log I found myself to be much lower than I first thought. I underestimate a wee bit but with all the calorie counting I have done…all.my.life………I can figure things pretty closely. Tuesday I knew was low, but when I went over what I did eat and logged it in I was just under 1200cals. Not acceptable! Back to logging every day.
Weights: Bench press 2 x 4 @ 80lbs, 1 x 2 @ 80lbs; Deadlift 3 x 8 @ 65lbs; Overhead squat 3 x 8 @ 25lbs; Swings 3 x 8 @ 25lbs
Starting to work the body again. Taking it slowly. The leg is still not 100% but I can put some weight on it now!! 😀